Quick thought

As ZeroCare gets closer and closer to implementation, we're seeing more and more of the bugs, which if you look at them closely are actually features.

One is that insurance, especially employer offered insurance must cover children up to the age of 26, an age at which my parents were, well, parents.

But.

Employer offered insurance does not have to cover spouses.  I don't know if this means that no insurance offered, even on the exchanges has to offer family coverage, family meaning two parents plus children.

Is this part of the leftists goal of turning us into a little workers' paradise where everyone has two or three crappy part time jobs so we can afford the "free" stuff we're required to buy, while we ship our children off to crappy day care and crappy schools so that the state can turn them into more little worker drones?

It certainly is trying to spell the end of the one-income nuclear family.  Whether this is intentional, I'm sort of afraid to find out.

Pettiness. Sometimes we just need some.

Ok, I found this picture over at MOTUS's place.  It's from 2009, and at least in the last few years, for 9-11 ceremonies anyway, FLOTUS is wearing something a little more somber, but still nowhere near black.

I really fail to understand the high wide belt.  I don't think shes' wearing them as much now, thank God.  But all it does is make her look somewhat weeble-ish.  It emphasizes her smaller breasts and larger belly.  Some times and cultures have found large bellies and hips attractive, having to do with the fertility implications.  This culture is not one of them.  Some of us are just built that way, but careful clothing choice and tailoring can de-emphasize those traits.  This is not careful tailoring.  And who wears a black leather belt OVER a coat it was not designed for?

And the idiocy and/or evil keep coming....

We've got il-'liberal' 'journalists' and 'bloggers' outing conservatives who dare to disagree with them, publishing their real names and contact info on the web, and then claiming that by daring to express an opinion on something, you should expect that sort of thing, shouldn't you.

I don't work real hard at concealing my private info, but then I do blog under a pseudonym too.  Do I really want someone who disagrees with my opinions on the Common Core (crap educational philosophy, "enshrining mediocrity") or the 2nd amendment (I have the right to defend myself, and criminals should have to worry about safety on the job), or the PPACA (designed to push us to 3rd world status medically and financially), or any other issue for that matter, to be plastering my face, my name, my contact info, and, even more inappropriately, my family's names, faces, and locations, all over the web, with implicit and sometimes explicit suggestions on what should happen to me and mine, because I had the temerity to not agree with my self-appointed "betters"?

Right now we've got some guy named Greg Flynn, whose associated with Moving North Carolina Forward, which tries to get Democrats elected, going after members of a group trying to abolish the Common Core standards.  This included publishing one bloggers name and info, claiming that it was out there already.  Except that aparently the videos and/or photos he's talking about don't have her name on them.  He figured it out somehow (he used to work for the state, perhaps he still knows some people?), and put the info out himself, which is totally the same thing according to him.  And for folks to object to this is bullying, although threatening people by his side, is just fun and games.

Right.

And then there's the whole story that's been going on for over a year now of Brett Kimberlin, Neal Rauhauser, and Bill Schmalfeldt.

I've been following this over at The Other McCain, Allergic to Bull, and Hogewash, as well as the Patterico's Pontifications and PopeHat.  It's an amazing (*not* in a good way) story, and even more amazing is just how much these trolls have gotten away with (not that I want to be offensive to real trolls).  Kimberlin would seem to be a pathological liar, not surprising in someone who was convicted of perjury, and his current pastime seems to be conducting lawfare against any and all who dare to point out his past history, which involves conviction as the Speedway Bomber.  Apparently it's slander and libel to call him that.  And even mentioning him online can bring up charges that you are stalking and/or harrassing him.  Although there seems to be plenty of evidence that this is simply projection on his part, "accuse the accusers" being a staple of his repertoire.

And Bill?  Wow. That man is just plain bugnuts.  Batshit crazy.  Bonkers.  There really must be some mental illness there, or at least I hope so, because one hates to think that there are people who really enjoy being so evil.  And evil is indeed the best adjective for those two. At least if he's mentally ill, there's always a chance for healing.  If it's just evil, I'm afraid that he's likely past any chance of salvation.

I'm sure there's a long post about how the current cultural zeitgeist lends itself to people like this, but I don't have it in me now.  Maybe later after I've thought about it for a while....

Where to start... Idiots in New England

There has just been so much stupid out there lately, it's hard to decide.

There's the Middlebury 9-11 memorial desecration, all in the name of a non-existent Abenaki burial ground.  I've read the comments by the college student who was involved and her "indiginous person" friend for whom she supposedly helped commit the crime.

They qualify as two of the stupidest and most evil persons I've run into in quite a while.

First.  Neither can write a coherent English sentence.  The college student's parents need to demand a refund from every educational institution that self-centered little bitch has ever attended.  "Visibilize"?!?!  And she's wallowing in the joys of "settlers' guilt", whatever the hell that is.  I guess her family didn't live in the south, so she can't beat her breast over whether or not they owned slaves, so she's got to find another way to prove that she is more pious than us.

From the Middlebury student, Ms. Anna Shireman-Grabowski:

Today I, along with a group of non-Middlebury students, helped remove around 3,000 American flags from the grass by Mead Chapel. While I was not the only one engaged in this action and the decision was not solely mine, I am the one who will see you in the dining halls and in the classroom, and I want to take accountability for the hurt you may be feeling while clarifying the motivations for this action.

So she wants to take accountability, while spending the next page proving why what she did was right why she is better than those she upset.

My intention was not to cause pain but to visibilize the necessity of honoring all human life and to help a friend heal from the violence of genocide that she carries with her on a daily basis as an indigenous person. While the American flags on the Middlebury hillside symbolize to some the loss of innocent lives in New York, to others they represent centuries of bloody conquest and mass murder. As a settler on stolen land, I do not have the luxury of grieving without an eye to power.

How do you grieve with or without an "eye to power"?  What the f--- is an "eye to power"?  And unless her "friend" was personally involved in a genocide, how and why does she need to heal from it?  Was her entire family wiped out by the evil white man, leaving her a grieving orphan?  If she's talking about ancestors centuries ago, get over it bitch.  Every single person on this planet is descended from both slaves and slave owners, and guess what?  We deal with it, mostly by ignoring it, because WE didn't do it.

Three thousand flags is a lot, but the campus is not big enough to hold a marker for every life sacrificed in the history of American conquest and colonialism.

I guess that in her view, you can only mourn your own dead, if you also mourn every one who every died, anywhere, any when, all at the same time.  But you can show respect for the dead of others, because that somehow proves how enlightened you are.  Or something.

The emails filling my inbox indicate that this was not a productive way to start a dialogue about American imperialism. Nor did I imagine that it would be. Please understand that I am grappling with my complicity in the overwhelming legacy of settler colonialism. Part of this process for me is honoring the feelings and wishes of people who find themselves on the other side of this history.

She's complaining that the result she expected, people sending her unhappy emails, is happening.  And that we're supposed to forgive her insulting every member of her college community, the local Indian tribe, and anyone who was affected by 9-11, because she can only feel special if she feels personal guilt for white folks moving to the US.  Right.  And desecrating a memorial is a way to honor the wishes of those "on the other side of history".  The folks who think she's a flaming moron.

I wish to further clarify that members of the local Abenaki community should in no way be implicated in today’s events. Nor can I pretend to speak to their feelings about flags, burial sites, or 9/11.

At least she admits she can't speak for them.  They speak for themselves very well, and as mentioned above, they think, much more politely than I am, that she is a flaming moron.

Today I chose to act in solidarity with my friend, an Indigenous woman and a citizen of the Haudenosaunee Confederacy who was appalled to see the burial grounds of another Indigenous nation desecrated by piercing the ground that their remains lay beneath. I understand that this action is confusing and painful for many in my community. I don’t pretend to know if every action I take is right or justified—this process is multi-layered and nuanced. I do know that colonialism has been—and continues to be—a real and destructive force in the world that we live in. And for me, to honor life is to support those who struggle against it.

As many others have pointed out, the only things "piercing" the ground that she seems to be upset about are the American flags.  Nothing about the buildings, or the fence posts, or the trees.  And how multi-layered and nuanced has anything to do with justification.

And as further proof of her inability write decent English, the last sentence if parsed the correctly, says that she can only honor life by supporting those struggling against life.

Please do not hesitate to email me or approach me if you wish to discuss this in person.

I suspect that by now she rather wishes she hadn't put this bit in.

My gut reaction to ready this self-centered little twit's non-apology, is a strong desire to find her, slap her silly, send her to her room without supper, and ground her for the next two years.


And then there is her "indiginous-person" friend, who is oh-so in touch with her heritage, but using an oh-so NOT indiginous name, Amanda Lickers.

She has even less ability to form a coherent sentence, simply stringing together the feminist, victimist, anti-white verbiage she learned from some progressive liberal teachers, in sentences which may make grammatical sense, occasionally, but never have actual meaning.

i am a young onkwehon:we, a woman, a member of the turtle clan and the onondowa’ga nation of the haudenosaunee confederacy. i have been doing my best to be true to the responsibilities i have inherited through the gift of life, and the relationships i must honour to my ancestors and all our relatives.

She must not consider acting like a mature adult as part of those responsibilities.

for over 500 years our people have been under attack. the theft of our territories, the devastation of our waters; the poisoning of our people through the poisoning of our lands; the theft of our people from our families; the rape of our children; the murder of our women; the sterilization of our communities; the abuse of our generations; the uprooting of our ancestors and the occupation of our sacred sites; the silencing of our songs; the erasure of our languages and memories of our traditions

I'm just going to ignore the execrable English grammar and punctuation (or lack of it).  Apparently white folk have been oppressing her people for 500 years.  Right.  Certainly for the first 150 or so of that time, motst of the oppression, rape, and murder, was being done by other "indigenous" peoples.  Though it seems odd that they'd rape the children and murder the women, isn't it usually the other way around?

i have had enough.

And so have we honey, enough of your "look at me" histrionics.

yesterday i went to occupied abenaki territory. i was invited to middlebury college to facilitate a workshop on settler responsibility and decolonization. i walked across this campus whose stone wall structures weigh heavy on the landscape. the history of eugenics, genocide and colonial violence permeate that space so fully like a ghost everywhere descending. it was my understanding that this site is occupying an abenaki burial ground; a sacred site.

An Abenaki burial ground that the Abenaki know nothing about.  And I can only assume that settler responsiblity means some form of financial reparations, and decolonization, means losing lands that have been in your family for years because an Indian might have walked over them four or five centuries ago. The next to last "sentence" in that paragraph isn't a sentence, unless she meant for a comma, and her feeling the "ghost descending" is shy she thought it must be a burial site.  She is such a special little snowflake that she can "feel" burial grounds, even when no one else knows about them!

walking through the campus i saw thousands of small american flags. tho my natural disdain for the occupying colonial state came to surface, in the quickest moment of decision making, in my heart, i understood that lands where our dead lay must not be desecrated.

It's not her tribe, she's admitted that.  And she apparently has no idea what true desecration is.

in my community, we do not pierce the earth. it disturbs the spirits there, it is important for me to respect their presence, their want for rest.

So she respects their presence by committing a felony and desecrating the memory of other dead.  Great move, Little Snowflake!

my heart swelled and i knew in my core that thousands of american flags should not penetrate the earth where my abenaki brothers and sisters sleep. we have all survived so much – and as a visitor on their territories i took action to respect them and began pulling up all of the flags.

Of course, according to the Abenaki, none of her brothers or sisters sleep there, but hey, it's the thought that counts, right?

i was with 4 non-natives who supported me in this action. there were so many flags staking the earth and their hands helped make this work faster. this act of support by my friends, as settlers, tho small was healing and inspiring. we put them away in black garbage bags and i was confronted by a nationalistic-settler, a young white boy who attends the college demanding i relinquish the flags to him. i held my ground and confiscated them. i did not want to cave to his support of the occupying, settler-colonial, imperalist state, and the endorsing of the genocide of indigenous peoples across the world.

So she's admitting to felony theft, as well as assault.  And how in the hell does she think that remembering the dead from a terrorist attack is endorsing genocide?  As I've said before, self-centered little bitch.  She should be glad I wasn't the one whose flags she was trying to steal.

it is the duty of the college of middlebury to consult with abenaki peoples and repatriate their grounds.yesterday i said no to settler occupation. i took those flags. it is a small reclamation and modest act of resistance.in the spirit of resilience, in the spirit of survivalamanda lickers 

So, the Abenaki have no problems with Middlebury College, but because some self-righteous little twit wants to feel special, everyone has to do as she says.

With a bit of luck, these two girls may grow up, but given that they have obviously spent their entire lives up to now being told how "special" and unique they are, and how the white people, and men are responsible for every ill that has ever happened to them, I somehow doubt it.

I feel a little better having got this off my chest, but still, this is what I want to do to both of them.

Found it! Probably the best of the 9-11 memorial videos.

http://attacked911.tripod.com/

I've been looking for this all morning, and finally found it.

Even if you skipped all the stuff in the previous post, watch this.

9/11

Somehow I've always manage to ignore that this is now "Patriot Day".  I'm not saying this shouldn't have a 'day', but patriot seems to me to be the wrong name for a day memorializing 3000 civilians murdered for simply going to work.  "Patriot" seems to require a more specific work on the part of those remembered.

So I will continue to just think of this as 9/11, sort of like Pearl Harbor.  I can't use the place name, since it was multiple places.

I had started work at my new job earlier that year, and had signed up to take "Management of Aggressive Behaviour", a two day workshop/seminar on 9/11 and 9/13.  It was held in what was at that time the hospital auditorium, next to the waiting rooms for diagnostic imaging.  We started at 8am, and must have had our first break sometime around 9.  We ended up watching one of the TVs in the waiting area and I'm pretty sure about the break, because when we started watching only one building had been hit.

We continued with the class for the rest of the day, but took rather more breaks than they usually do, and were glued to the TVs during them.

The instructors told us that they had offered their classes to the airlines for years and never been taken up on them, because the airlines never felt the need to train their people to deal with folks with knives.

Here is last year's post.

I'm doing a bit of YouTube hunting, and have found several videos I'm putting here.  The comments are often disgusting, and interestingly enough, I'm allowed to upvote, but not down vote them.

This one is just footage of the events as they happened, from someone living near the Twin Towers.  Commentary, but amazingly no profanity.  They were obviously home with their child, since you can here childrens' TV music in the background of the initial footage.

Here's more footage, with much less nasty comments.

In spite of the clip's name, it doesn't have the actual falling man footage, but it still looks at the people rather than building.

Another video.

Let's not forget that it wasn't just New York.

More footage, paired with very appropriate music.




And to finish off, the story of Rick Rescorla, "the man who predicted 9-11". (http://www.blackfive.net/main/2013/09/the-last-known-sighting-of-an-american-hero.html has a good round up of info.)

Change of Pace

I'm tired, short of breath (and the weather's not helping any), and retaining fluid like nobody's business, to the point where my toes hurt.

So, to take my mind off of it all, and so I don't look like I'm whining too much:

This is preferable to the headache I'm getting from the church around the corner having an end of summer/holiday weekend picnic and playing gospel music loud enough to give me a headache.  We don't have a noise ordinance in this town, sad to say.

Tired.

I  found this gif over lunch on MetaPicture, and it describes how I've been feeling lately to a T.

I just hope I'm as cute while I pass out.  Somehow I doubt it.

The new school year. Sigh.

The new school year has begun, and both girls have had their first day.

Younger started on Monday, and by Wednesday she had already changed one class.  She really doesn't want to take French anymore, and the minor detail that the class is held in a small windowless room next to the band room, during band practice, might have had something to do with it.  I'm sure that my migraines would get worse.  She's got four years of high school including this year, and only needs two years of a language, so that's fine.  At least she seems to have a good history teacher (they put her in AP American History, and she's already decided that most of the class are idiots - she was the only one who could name even half the original 13 colonies.  Teacher: "can anyone else raise their hand?")

Elder started yesterday.  She's mostly doing the internet based courses, going to a session at the central office every day for two hours so that there's a tutor around to help with stuff she's not sure about.  But she is also going to the high school every other day in the morning for a chemistry course and chorus.  I do have to call guidance about the chemistry, because it's the chemistry for folks who just need another science course, and she's going to be bored to tears by it.

But I also have to call because today I got the robo-call from attendance to let me know that as of 9:30 this morning my child has been marked absent.  This is not surprising as my child is not supposed to be there today.  She doesn't want to sit in the library for six hours, and I somehow doubt they want her doing that either.  And I really, really, don't want to get these calls every other day for the entire school year.

But hey, four days into younger's school year, and she hasn't missed one yet.  If we can just continue like this so as not to repeat last year's disaster.....

Someone with sense!

OK, I'm not a great fan of MSN, but it's the opening IE page on my Asus laptop, and it at least gives me headlines.

And today at lunch I find this: "Tim Gunn says designers’ lack of interest in plus size clothing is 'repugnant'"

And he's right.  I know this as someone who even on the rare occasions in my life when I've not been fat has been a "plus-size" (though why a 12 is a plus?).  My younger daughter is also a plus size, what with dealing with adrenal issues.

The only place near where we live where you can routinely find nice clothes which look decent on a larger body is Lane Bryant.  Some of the other stores occasionally have nice stuff, but the word is "occasionally".

I'm sure that designers have taken in the attitude towards large folks that the rest off society has, that we're all lazy, self-indulgent, slobs.  But first off, a lot of us aren't.  My daughter really doesn't eat that much, and she was getting plump even when she was figure skating.  I packed on the weight last year after a round of cortisone, which left me starving and tired all the time.  Right now testing says my adrenals and my pancreas aren't working properly, and my thyroid may give lab results in the 'normal' range, but one side is, to quote my doctor "boggy", and the other has a large nodule that she can feel, so I'm going for an ultrasound and perhaps a biopsy tomorrow, depending on what the ultrasound shows.

Second, whether our fat is genetic, medical, or poor life-style choices, treating us like lazy criminals isn't exactly going to make us feel better enough about ourselves to start doing anything other than ingesting even more comfort food.

When you feel good about yourself, it's a lot easier to take care of yourself, and work on medical or life-style issues. So making it easy to find clothes that make us look pretty and/or professional will actually help us get healthier.

They should also remember that Liv Tyler was/is a plus-size model before she was Arwen.  And I don't think anyone would consider Arwen fat.

A good start. Now just sue the DA personally!

As a break from the "I feel like crap" type of posts, I ran across this article this morning.

Apparently in Florida, if you are acquitted, you can get the state to pay some of your legal costs, just not the lawyers' fees.  Personally, I think George should be suing the DA personally, as well as the her office collectively, for all costs, since there is no way this can NOT be considered malicious prosecution.

More testing

The good news is that it looks like there is actually something .. wrong.. and it's NOT all in my head.

The bad news is that it looks like there is actually something wrong.

Not that we're sure exactly what yet.  I had a lot more labs drawn today, and I have an appointment with the naturopath on Monday to discuss the results and decide what direction we want to go.  I'm definitely anemic, though it's a little weird, which is why we're running a lot more lab tests, including looking at the size and shape of my red blood cells.  She asked me today if I had ever been tested for thalassemia, which I haven't, because I'm not of mediterranean extraction.  Though I have been tested for sickle cell, and I'm far, far more likely to have the former than the latter.  I figure the Navy didn't want to look discriminatory, so they tested every single pregnant woman for sickle cell.  That I'm whiter than white, and at the time was in my mid-30s and several months into my second pregnancy should have ruled it out without the blood work, but this is bureaucracy.

I was told that my cortisol levels were also low; I haven't seen the actual lab results, but since my am blood work showed a low/mid level, I'm guessing that it either dropped too much during the day, or just stayed where it was, and never increased when it was supposed to. There's all sorts of fun things that can cause that, so we'll just have to wait and see.

But at least someone believes me that I'm feeling like total crap, and that it's not just getting older and something I'll have to learn to ignore.

Hmmm. A few more thoughts on shooting and the media.

This made me think of my previous post, and Tam's comment on it.

Do the "news" media report on police shootings the way they do, at least in part because this is how the entertainment portion of the media treats cops and shooting?  Or do the entertainers treat police shooting ability the way they do (unless the police man is the hero of the piece) because of how the "news" folks report it?  Or option number three, they both treat law enforcement's shooting the way they do because of the some ingrained, '60s leftist or related bias?

Because yes, the police (at least in some necks of the woods) aren't as well trained as we'd like, but still.  If I am ever, God forbid, in a position where the bad guy really, really, needs to be put out of commission NOW, I'd feel that my odds of surviving the situation are a lot better if the guys and/or gals trying to do the decommissioning are LEOs or military rather than poor Joe or Jane Schmoe who's never even held a gun before.

Note that I am presuming a situation where my options are only between the police or a complete firearms neophyte, as in the movie scenario.

Amusements for the day.

I spend way too much time on MetaPicture, and found this today:

 And realized that this would also fit the NYPD, at least based on the last few shootouts I've read about. Though to be fair they did hit the guy they were aiming at.  They just hit 9 innocent bystanders too.

If I have a clean bill of health, why do I feel so bad?

The results from the echo came back as stable also.

So I visited my GP on Wednesday morning to ask about other reasons for the chest discomfort and also the rather severe (for me) edema in my lower legs.  I'm retaining more fluid than I did during either pregnancy, and marks in my leg stay for a few minutes.

I was told that the edema wasn't severe, but was given a script for some lasix to take three times a week.  I'll take pictures of the pitting in the edema this evening before taking the pill tonight or tomorrow and see if it makes any difference.

However....  he didn't quite yell at me that as I got older I would have more weird little aches and twinges, and if they were benign, I would just have to learn to ignore them.

I pointed out that I had been ignoring the discomfort from the PVCs for five or six years now, and they had suddenly gotten much worse and stronger, and even if they were benign they were really bothering me.  I was told, in not quite these words, to just suck it up and shut up about it.

It's hard to ignore something that suddenly jumps on you as you're trying to fall asleep and feels like a cross between a heavy weight on the top of your breastbone and a very too-tight turtle neck, and which can last for several minutes.

I didn't bring up my concerns about hormone problems again, since last time I mentioned concerns about adrenals or pituitary I was told we didn't need to look for zebras.  That we've ruled out all the horses....  I've put on 40 pounds in the last year, 10 in the last month, my diet isn't any different or worse than before, I've got that horrible edema, and the beginnings of a weird hump of fat at the top of my spine.  For the last few weeks I have had trouble going to sleep, not because it's hot (which it is), but because I feel that something is lying on my throat making it hard to breath if I lie on my back, and that's how I normally fall asleep. The fat is also mostly around my waist and chin, instead of my hips and thighs where I've put it for the previous 35 years.

So I've called the local naturopathic practice and have an appointment in two weeks.  Bizarre creatures that they are, they are more worried about the patient's quality of life than just whether the lab numbers look good.  When I mentioned my concern about being told I'd just have to learn to ignore the discomfort of a benign arrhythmia the woman on the phone tsked, and "no, no, no!".

So. Let's hope I can stay awake and functional until the 5th. I'm tired of being so tired.

Testing Update

Well, my nuclear stress test is "stable".  A message was left on my voice mail, so I called them up to find out what exactly was meant by stable.  Basically, it means fine, and since I had one of these tests five or six years ago which this practice knew about, and presumably got and looked at, presumably there have been no changes.

I'm not sure whether this makes me happy or not.  It's not that I want something to be wrong, but most of the stuff that they find on stress test is fixable, and I'd really like to know why I'm tired and short-of-breath with chest pain and water retention.  So I'm going to have an echo next Monday, where they will be able to see if the valves are working right.  With my luck, they're fine too.  Which will leaving me feeling like crap with no reason for it.

Personally I think it's thyroid, or at least thyroid-related, but nowadays, physicians, including endocrinologists, almost always treat the numbers, not the patient, and tell you "You can't be hypothryoid, your numbers are within the normal range", ignoring the fact that just because a certain percentage of people who are supposedly healthy have numbers in a given range doesn't mean that that is the right range for you.

I think it's time to start seeing the local naturopath, in general they seem much more attuned to the patient rather than the lab values.

And if I ever start feeling better, I might be able to write some posts of interest to others than just me.  But I'm too tired.  I get home from work and fall asleep for 12 hours most nights lately, which isn't conducive to getting anything done, electronically or around the house.

Joys of Testing

I get to spend an exciting day tomorrow at the cardiologists' having a stress test and a nuclear stress test done.  Hopefully we'll figure out why my chest keeps hurting, I'm short of breath, exhausted all the time, and retaining tons of water (worse than either of my pregnancies, though I retained so little it wouldn't be hard to retain more).  At this point, I'd be happy for them to find something wrong, just so we know what's going on, and can maybe do something about it.

Mine.

 The new car.

Waiting....

We have improved our credit score a fair bit since we bought the last car. We've even bought a house since then.

The car we want isn't that much more than the previous one cost us, we can finance for up to seven years rather than five, and hopefully at a rather lower interest rate.  Still, it's rather nerve wracking waiting to hear whether the financing has gone through.  I gave them the go-ahead to run it over an hour and a half ago.  I hope that's not too bad a sign....

It's dead, Jim.

I have tried, and maybe succeeded, in killing my car.

Today on the way into work it started making tick, tick noises, almost immediately followed by thwuk, thwuk, and then THWAK, THWAK.  I pulled over to the side of the road and called GEICOs roadside service number, which is in my contacts, though it's never been to the point where I felt it needed a speed dial.  An hour and a half later I was at the dealer's repair shop waiting for a ride into work.

It turns out I haven't had an oil change in 9 months. (!Ack! And I'm the one always nagging my husband to get his car done, because he works at Sears, and it's so hard for him to leave it at the in-house auto repair while he's there.)  In my defense things have been pretty crazy the last five months, and that wasn't high priority, especially as it's really inconvenient for me to get it serviced.  And as with many low priority things, when you leave them alone long enough, they turn around and bite you in the ass.  This particular ass-biting involves having destroyed the engine.

I'm waiting to hear from the repair shop with an estimate on how much a used engine is going to cost, parts, labour, and taxes.  If it's under $3K it will still probably be a good idea, since I doubt we'd get a car for under $300 a month in car payment, and with a new-to-us engine we should be able to nurse the Santa Fe along for at least another year.  It's only a 2003.

Sigh.

The only thing that makes me feel a little better about it, is that my mother did exactly the same thing to her first Camry.  So it's not like she can say anything.

Update 7/2:  It will cost between $4K and $5.5K to put a new-used engine with 100K miles on it, or a refurbished engine in the car.  And even in pristine condition, if we were buying it from a dealer it would only be worth about $5K anyway.  So today (Tuesday) I'm starting the car hunt.  At least our credit should be better (we have a house), dealers are starting the "Get rid of the 2013s!" sales push, and there's a chance we may still be able to get something as trade in for the Santa Fe.  If nothing else it should be worth something for parts.

Again, sigh.