Handbaskets

As in "The world is going to Hell in".

And I'm reaching a point where I don't care.

That's not quite right; I'm just too damn tired and depressed to care.

Which is how I imagine folks on the wrong side of the old Iron Curtain must have felt a lot of the time.

Our local SCA group had it's monthly meeting in our neck of the woods on Monday, and there was lots of talk of the events we'll be holding over the next 18 months.  And it all sounded really interesting. If I cared.

This is something that I've always greatly enjoyed, but we didn't have the time or the money for years after we moved back up to CT, and then we were also dealing with elementary age kids - too old to just haul places, but too young for them to enjoy themselves.  But now they are both in high school, they both think the group sounds interesting, and if I wanted to I could come up with some basic garb for the lot of us, as well as the funds for membership and attending a few events a year.

I realized Monday that I'm too tired.  Everything seems like it's going to be too much effort, and all I'm up for is curling up around the computer in the evening, playing logic puzzles on one side of the screen while watching old TV shows (currently working my way through Magnum, P.I.) on the other side.  And for that matter some evenings, I don't even have the energy for that.  At the same time, I can't fall asleep.  I didn't get the light out last night until nearly 1am, because I knew I wasn't going to be able to fall asleep, and when I did get the light out, I was still awake until nearly 3am. Except for a few peanut butter cups I had had no caffeine after about noon, so I can't blame it on that.  I'm scheduled for a stress test and nuclear stress test on July 7th, which will most likely come out completely normal.  So will the echo.  We'll be left with stress, anxiety, and maybe some good old depression to explain the heart arrhythmia, exhaustion, insomnia, shortness of breath, and nearly constant light headedness.

My attitude towards life right now could be because of my health, but then my health could very easily be being affected by reactions to the political and economic disasters that are going on around us and the financial worries that any one with half a brain is facing right now.

So I just keep going to the doctor so we can figure out what the problem is, maybe what's causing it, and hopefully how to treat it, while continuing to buy my weekly lottery tickets.  I figure I've got a better chance of winning the state lottery than I do of ever being in a financial position to retire based solely on work and savings.

And if that isn't a damning indictment of the current economy, nothing is.